I don't know what the nutcrap's wrong with me, but I just can't feel Christmas.

Remember how we always celebrate Christmas Eve with Lanuza Family? How we get things ready for our annual Christmas program, prepared by me and my cousins. How we would get caught up and practice for our presentations which our parents would laugh about. It wasn't the same Christmas Eve as it was before. I've no stinking idea why I feel that way.

I really couldn't blame on the changfe of venues. Usually, as in the past years, we spend it at my grandmother's house since we live close to each other:

But when my cousins moved to a new house, it's as if the Christmas spirit within each of us has dimmed. Our amazing helper, Ate Luz, wasn't able to be with us last night. That was the first Christmas that she wasn't with us. :\ I missed her, you know. She used to tease me whenever a only eat a little amount of food. I think I'm developing anorxia already. Seriously. Wait, we'll get on to that in a minute.

I know I'm being whatever, but I can't help it. I just don't know what's wrong with me. Or with.. whatever.

Ugh. whatever.

My brother asked my dad to briong us to Tandang Sora, my cousin's new home, to have time for us to practice and get ready for our program. We got there at 1pm which left us almost 5 hours to practice and get on with it.

Pam and I practically watched iCarly on her laptop and ate Crunch. We surfed the net and laughed about stuff posted on Youtube. It was pretty amazing, having spent it with her which I find annoyingly mean. But it was fun, I have to admit it.

Ninang Alma came here from GenSan to celebreate Christmas with us. And I actually felt bad when she told me that "Gusto ko yung katawan mo ngayon. May laman na." I don't know, but I.. :\ Whateverrrr. I guess I really gained weight. Grabe, hindi umepekto yung senior year sakin. :\ Diba dapat papayat ako lalo? :\

We had our presentations after waiting for Tita Pat and Uncle Joey to arrive. Medyo kasi paallis palang sila sa bahay nila ng mga 6pm. Eh medyo 6pm kasi kailangan nandun. :\ But ohwell.

After arguing with my cousins that we can't have our usual program with what time we have left, we performed and watched the video. I actually watched myself. Pramis, tumaba talaga ako. My lolo and my ninang were right. I guess my mom and dad would've had the same comment but refused to tell me 'cause they know I'll stop eating. I guess they're my parents after all. Haha.

Now I just have to get my thin body back. HAHAHA LABO. :)) Pero swear, tumaba talaga ako. :)

This might get um, mushy? =))) Read at your own risk. Actually, I didn't mean it to be mushy. HAHA. Carried awaaaay. =))))

Another thing occurred to me while we were watching the videos my uncle took during the House Blessing and the presentations. My mom lent me her Cybershot camera for me to use at the moment since my cam's worn out. I was browsing through the pictures only to find this:

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I know it's not a big deal.. until you see this:

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The first photo was taken during my brother's 11th birthday. That was how my dad looked like. Now, he looked like the person on the second photo.

This got me crying on Christmas Eve.

I don't know if I'm just stupid or unobservant [but believe me, I AM observant. Ask Stella and Krizia], but I couldn't help asking myself,

"Asan ako the whole time? I mean, I could've noticed the friggin' difference."

People, especially my dad's highschool and college friends, would tell him he'd lost too much weight. All I ever did was to say, "Oo nga eh", all because his legs and arms got thinner, much like mine. But I didn't see his face. Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

When I really couldn't help crying, I went to my room and argued with myself. I've been too engrossed and obsessed with schoolwork, projects, and who-knows-what that I couldn't even take a second's rest and ask him, "Okay ka lang?". I guess Stella and Krizia know this. We don't usually talk here at home 'cause I'm afraid of him. Afreaid of getting scolded and making the wrong moves.

But now that Yaki and Ika came, I've never been more grateful and proud. Whenever we meet someone with dogs who converses with my dad, he would always say, "Yan nga lang maaasahan ko dun sa mga aso eh.", or something like that. =)) Duh, memory, remember? :))

Remember my posts about how my dad talks me in to cars and all that crap about college.. and cars? :)) It's the only time we really talk. As in talk. And that one time, when I was approached by that creepy guy at Mcdo Retiro? :\ I cried because that was the only time I felt his presence. That he cared for me. I mostly talk about those stuff to my mom. :P

Okay, time's up. It's over. :))) You can read now.

I guess things change. Now, I can only imagine things that would certainly appease him. And everytime I try to attempt to do one good thing, it just ends up the other way around. Kaya.. wag na. =)) Joke.

I woke up at 11am this morning after having slept at 2am. It still felt nice to sleep but I badly wanted to read. :)) Yeah, one good way to spend Christmas: READ. =)))

I helped my dad wash our dogs just before my mom and grandparents came. They're currently eating right now. And you've guessed it right. I won't be eating any sooner. :)) Unless.. :> HAHA, LABO.

*I'll post the pictures later. My brother's got his hands all over the PC right now, where the pictures are. :\ Screw-Christmas-gifts-involving-brothers-having-the-permission-to-use-the-computer-
when-they're-not-supposed-to-'cause-it's-his-punishment-for-not-studying-hard. :\